The Joy of Cancelled Plans Can Be Great Joy Indeed

We all know the importance of social connection in our lives. I’d venture a guess that most of us have at least once been left out of social plans or experienced the fear of missing out (FOMO). Social media puts an emphasis on plans we miss and makes it look like everyone else is living life better. But don’t we also, at least sometimes, experience the Joy of Missing Out (JOMO)? Sometimes we’re happy that we don’t have plans and sometimes we’re hoping the plans we have get cancelled. Again, we know social connection is important and many of us don’t want to let down someone else by cancelling plans so we try to avoid being the cancellers. Perhaps on some level we hold out hope that someone else will step up (or down as the case may be). Maybe some of you are genuinely sad when plans get cancelled but I’ve spoken to enough people to know I’m not alone in celebrating the joy of cancelled plans, at least some of the time.

Some of my closest friends follow this blog so let me be abundantly clear. I love you all and I am always grateful for any time we spend together. Time spent with you is always valued and cherished by me. If you happen to cancel our plans, I am always sincere in my desire to reschedule. That said, it’s not inconceivable that I do a little happy dance when I realize I don’t have to go out. It’s not you, it’s me.

Getting Time Back

There’s something about the ease and comfort of home that might reel you in. Compare and contrast that to the effort it takes, no matter how small, to get yourself ready to go out. It feels like it should come down to more than a little effort. And it does. Life is busy and as we get older, the busyness has accumulated for years. Many people learn to deeply appreciate the opportunity to do nothing. Maybe an additional reason we’re reluctant to be the canceller of plans is because we’re not entirely comfortable allowing ourselves to do nothing. The go-go-go mentality is a tough one to shake. If someone else cancels plans, there’s NOTHING we can do about it.

Strangely, sometimes the joy felt at the point of cancellation extends to plans we were actually excited about. The joy experienced when plans are cancelled typically has nothing at all to do with the person or people with whom the plans were made. It seems to be more connected to the deliciousness of getting time back. So much of our time is accounted for that the prospect of having sanctioned time to do nothing seems like a gift. Planned or sanctioned time to do nothing hits quite differently than default time spent on your own, which may involve scrolling on your phone, mindlessly watching television or snacking, or sitting around feeling sorry for yourself.

Step Back From Go-Go-Go

If the prospect of doing nothing sickens you a little bit and you’re convinced you’re more comfortable, even happier, always on the go, consider stepping back and exploring that a little. Is your on-the-go-edness lending itself to genuine enjoyment of moments or are you treating your life as a checklist? If everything you fly through is merely a box to be checked, does that give you satisfaction or are you doing it to impress or compare favorably to others. Consider the fact that others don’t care.

Unless you’re a cat, you get but one life and you’re the only one with the power to make it count. The bottom line is that there’s nothing wrong with doing nothing. Any cat can tell you that. Doing nothing can be the missing piece that makes it possible for you to do everything you want and enjoy more. Permission is hereby granted to do nothing to whoever needs it. Be sure to take those breaks and do what you can to keep them separate from social plans. Because you need those too. Balance is the key.

Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post

Joy by Andy Grammer, The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars, Cancelled Plans by Dolly Parton, Cancelled! By Taylor Swift, I’m So Tired by The Beatles, Homesick by Dua Lipa, Homesick by Noah Kahan, Home by Michael Bublé, My House by Flo Rida, Joy of Missing Out by AleXa, JOMO by Eric Hutchinson

Thinking and Trying

Something to think about: “In terms of instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin.” ― John Mulaney

Something to try: Instead of waiting for plans to be cancelled to get free time, schedule a “selfish” 5-10 minute break daily to prevent burnout. Go for a short walk, sit outside, or do a light stretch.These steps help you move from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) to JOMO (Joy of Missing Out), allowing you to be intentional about your social energy rather than just avoiding it. 

Join Our Tribe

I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts. We share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, this community welcomes you.

Coaching Can Help

Do you suffer from FOMO or maybe fall a little too heavily in the JOMO camp? A coach may be able to help you find the social balance that’s right for you. Together, we can help you create an action plan full of small steps and accountability so you can appreciate the wonderful human you are and make the most of your social connections. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help you. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.