Trying to Figure out How to Be? Be Open

A current social media trend features a talk show host asking questions to celebrities in rapid fire for a quick promotional clip. “Dogs or cats?” “Favorite sandwich?” “4 words that best describe you?” What can I say? I’m ready. Dogs, grilled cheese (fancy is good, simple even better) and empathetic, compassionate, curious, and evolving. I hope I’ll also be asked for the best life advice in 2 words that I can give myself or anyone else. The answer would be “be open.”

Defining Openness

Openness means different things to different people. Something that’s open allows you to move or see through it, like an open window or an open gate, so when applied to people, it could mean a level of transparency. It might also be the short form of “open-minded.” Being open could have to do with curiosity, tolerance, vulnerability, or approachability. Being open or open-minded, gives you the opportunity to learn about different lifestyles, beliefs, and cultures and, as a result, develop or strengthen empathy. It might help you build reasoning skills and it might improve your ability to be more optimistic. Openness may enable you to be more honest with others and yourself. For me, “be open” means try new things, listen more than I speak, including to opinions, stories, and languages that differ from my own, stay curious, and pay attention (best achieved by being present).

Be Open to Experiences, Fun, and Connection

Early on during my recent trip to Vietnam and Cambodia, a new friend declared her intention to be open to all experiences while we were away.  I readily agreed that openness was the way to go. Openness got me on a motorbike and then a bicycle (equally terrifying for me), led me to taste grilled bee larva, flip a pancake high in the air during a cooking class, climb to the top of Angkor Wat when I was sure I wouldn’t, and sing my heart out at Karaoke. When you’re determined to be open, you’re accepting that opportunities may come your way, sometimes taking you outside of or expanding your comfort zone and you’re there for it. Being open means opening yourself to fun, even potentially expanding what you consider to be fun. It means quieting the anxious voice in your head that might be asking “but what if.”

“Be open” on my trip is also what enabled strangers to bond so meaningfully in such a short time. Each person in our group of 12 was open to meeting new people and making new friends. Perhaps the honesty and decision to open up to one another had something to do with our age. We were all over 50. There was a sense of authenticity in every interaction. We lacked the interest and energy to be anyone other than our true selves. Honesty and vulnerability paved the way to meaningful connection and open, positive attitudes sealed the deal.

Be Open to Seeing and Receiving Signs

The attitude of openness remained with me on my return home and expanded in unexpected ways. In addition to continuing to do and try new things with curiosity and excitement, I find myself open to seeing and receiving signs. Our brains are programmed to seek patterns and I know this so I generally believe signs are coincidences that we choose to interpret. At the same time, I’m open enough to know there’s so much about the universe that we don’t know.

By leaving a little space for the possibility that there’s something more going on than we may see, think or believe, we may just be more likely to notice the magic in the ordinary that’s right in front of us. These are the godwinks. Missing them is a shame. Openness is a good thing no matter how you slice it. It’s a way of letting positive aspects of life and the world in. The version of myself that was reset on my trip is a little more adventurous, comfortably vulnerable, and open. I see the world just a little differently these days and that’s a helpful, hopeful shift at a time when our world often seems to be falling apart.

You Just Never Know…

Last week, one of my daughters did a closet purge and brought over a few bags of clothing for her sisters to look through before she donated the rest to Goodwill. They rummaged through and each found a few keepers. They all lamented the fact that a beautiful pair of leather pants didn’t fit any of them properly. There’s a Goodwill just a couple of blocks away from my apartment so I suggested she leave the bags with me and I’d drop them off during the week. A few days ago, I was ready to make the donation so I took the bags out of the closet. The pair of leather pants slid off the top of one bag and onto the floor. My first thought was “Ugh, now I have to bend down and pick those up.” My second thought was to question if this was maybe a sign. Maybe I was meant to try the pants on. I did. I am now the proud and happy owner of a new and beautiful pair of leather pants that fit me exceptionally well. Be open to signs, my friends!

Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post

Songs: The Sign by Ace of Base (or The Barden Bellas), Signs by Beyoncé (feat. Missy Elliott), Signs by Five Man Electrical Band, Signs by Snoop Dogg, Charlie Wilson & Justin Timberlake, Warning Sign by Coldplay, Looking for a Good Sign by Daryl Hall & John Oates, Should I Stay or Should I Go by The Clash, Sign of the Times by Harry Styles

Thinking and Trying

Something to think about: “Let us not go hurrying about and collecting honey, bee-like buzzing here and there for a knowledge of what is not to be arrived at, but let us open our leaves like a flower, and be passive and receptive, budding patiently under the eye of Apollo, and taking hints from every noble insect that favors us with a visit – sap will be given us for meat and dew for drink.” – John Keats

Something to try: Try to be open by doing the following:

• Be aware of your biases.
• Consider the opposite viewpoint.
• Practice generous interpretation.
• Ask questions.
• Make new connections.
• Try an activity you’ve never tried before.
• Join a new group.
• Go for a walk and pay attention to what you see.

Coaching Can Help

Maybe you want to be open but you’re feeling stuck in your ways. Working with a coach may help you get unstuck and experience the kind of openness you crave. Let’s talk about it! You can schedule a 15 minute discovery call here. We’ll meet over Zoom and it’s free of charge.