If you learned when and how you would die, would it change the way you live? Would you try to alter your behaviors or circumstances to “cheat death” or would you live your best life until you die? Would you not change anything at all? We all know tomorrow isn’t promised but that doesn’t necessarily affect the way we live our every today. Do you think it should? Do you think you should live every day like it’s your last?
If You Knew…
A few months ago, I read the book Here One Moment by Liane Moriarty, gifted to me by a wonderful friend from New Zealand. In fact, I discussed it briefly in an earlier post called Maintaining Hope and Joy During These Difficult Times. The story begins with a short, domestic flight on which passengers learn how and when they will die. As you would expect, people considered the information and responded in a variety of ways. It was a great read. I deeply appreciated its thought-provoking nature. I don’t think I would have been in the camp of people trying to cheat death. My healthspan is more important to me than my lifespan. Making the most of the time I have, however long or short that may be, matters more to me than the amount of time I have left. That’s not a clear distinction for many people and as we get older, it’s common to hope for more and more time.
Healthspan vs. Lifespan
The way you consider the healthspan versus lifespan question might be informed by the implications of your gender. Women tend to have a longer lifespan than men and men have the better healthspan. In other words, women live longer than men but men tend to enjoy more years of better health. By midlife, though we would ideally want as many more years left as possible, we begin to understand the importance of good health for the duration. A long life without good health is not what we’re shooting for. Making the most of the time we have necessarily includes getting and remaining as healthy as possible. Your vision of your optimal health and the values you hold dear play a key role.
Live Each Day Like It’s Your First?
Making the most of each day does not necessarily mean you live each day like it’s your last. Many people interpret the directive to mean live life to the fullest. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant doesn’t think living each day like it’s your last is the way to go at all. He contends that if we operated that way, nothing meaningful would ever get accomplished. Point taken. So many meaningful accomplishments take time. If we were certain we didn’t have the time, we wouldn’t bother to engage in any long term projects. Grant dedicated an episode of his podcast Worklife to a conversation with author Suleika Jaouad who shared that she tries to live each day like it’s her first instead. She tries to wake up each day with a sense of curiosity, playfulness, and wonder. Living everyday as if it’s your last is too pressure-filled and exhausting.
I am at a point in my life where I comfortably reject undue pressure. Wonder is something I seek and curiosity comes naturally. Natural curiosity, though, gets you only so far and, as much as I love the concept of greeting each day with curiosity, playfulness, and wonder, I also know myself well enough to envision it turning into an onerous beast. Pressure to be playful takes the playfulness out of it. We each have to choose the path forward that works best for us. I love the way living each day like it’s your first sounds but, in practice, I think it’s not quite right for me.
It’s My Life and I’m Grateful
Living my life to the fullest means greeting each day as it comes. Each new sunrise is a new opportunity to find joyful moments and meaningful measures. A new day is a new opportunity to exercise grateful awareness for the people in the every days that make up my life. Some of my days might not look like much to someone else and that’s perfectly fine. Purpose and meaning do not have to be grandiose to be effective and they can never be measured objectively. I choose to live every day as if it’s my last in the sense that I try to be mindfully aware of the gratitude I feel when my head hits the pillow at bedtime. Gratitude for the life I’m living and for the people in it make each day count and if the sleep ahead of me is to be my last, I hope to be entering it in a grateful, mindful, and peaceful state.
Whatever living your life to the fullest looks like for you, start living that way now if you aren’t already. Tomorrow is not promised. You get one life. Living it is up to you.
Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post
Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw, Live Like We’re Dying by Kris Allen, Die With a Smile by Lady Gaga feat. Bruno Mars, Leave Out All the Rest by Linkin Park, Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks, (Don’t Fear) The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult, If I Die Young by The Band Perry, Dust in the Wind by Kansas, Everybody Dies by Billie Eilish, The Book I Read by The Talking Heads
Thinking and Trying
Something to think about: “And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln
Something to try: Is there something you’ve been thinking you’d like to do when you have the time? Maybe you identified it as a bucket list item or maybe it’s a recipe you bookmarked. Plan that trip, ride that bike, hike that mountain, kayak somewhere warm, try pickle ball, bake that bread (sugar free and banana? yum!), ask that person out, taste that local cuisine, pick up that guitar, sing that song. No matter how big or small your “something” is, sleep happily tonight knowing you took steps today to make your life all that you want it to be just in case tomorrow never comes. No regrets! If the November cold is getting to you and you just don’t feel up to taking on your “something,” consider reading Here One Moment by Liane Moriarty.
Join Our Tribe
I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts. We share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, this community welcomes you.
Coaching Can Help
If you want to live your best life but can’t quite figure out what that means for you, you might benefit from working with a coach. Coaching supports you in the journey to find the path that’s right for you and helps you determine and stick to the action steps that can make all the difference. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help you develop healthy habits that keep you feeling your best. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.
As I contemplate turning 60 in ten days (!!), I am more mindful than ever of how nothing is promised. Does that mean that I don’t occasionally get bogged down by the minutiae of life? No, of course not, but especially since my divorce, I try to keep in mind that there is a bigger picture, and that no event in one’s life, even those which are traumatic, lasts forever. All things, good and bad, come to an end. That philosophy has helped me over the last 10+ years.