Happy Holidays! I hope you are enjoying festivities wherever you are, regardless of which of the many different religious holidays you celebrate this time of year. Holiday time is filled with traditions. Maintaining traditions is a grounding way to feel connected to community, family and the past. Sometimes maintenance can be stressful but more often, it provides a welcome sense of connection, belonging, structure and comfort. Because the whole idea of tradition is steeped in the past, the notion of creating new traditions may seem contradictory or counterintuitive but as we grow and change, we can expand our means of connection and comfort. And maybe we should. Growth is good and evolution is essential to both our wellbeing and our survival.
Rituals and Traditions
For the purpose of this post, the words ritual and tradition are used interchangeably though they have different meanings. Rituals are actions or behaviors someone habitually and consistently follows. Traditions are customs passed down through generations. Rituals adopted by a group of people and practiced from year to year become traditions. Both are behaviors that we come to adopt and follow without thinking too much.
You may have grown up with holiday traditions that range from gift giving and candle or tree lighting to cookie baking and decorating or latke frying. The feeling of untying a ribbon, the sight of a flickering flame, the sound of singing, the smell and taste of baked goods may all conjure feelings or memories for you. The traditions or rituals you maintain are good for you. Rituals have been shown to boost happiness, calm nerves and reduce overall anxiety. They become rote, making space for focus. Many rituals involve moving around, benefiting your physical health in addition to releasing happiness-enhancing endorphins. The fact that these behaviors are considered traditions or rituals implies an ease of sinking into them without much contemplation, a gift in and of itself. I don’t give much thought to the menu I prepare at Passover, my favorite Jewish holiday, since the menu itself is one tradition among many enjoyed by my family. The fact that I don’t stress over the menu adds to my enjoyment of the holiday.
Change is Good
Our lives are a series of chapters, though. Each chapter contributes to Current Us at any given point in time. Since we don’t stay the same, it makes sense that at least some of our rituals change with us. Some changes in circumstance along the way necessitate new traditions and others just make them desirable. In the event of divorce, some traditions may undergo adaptation or complete overhaul. The same might be true in the event of the death of a loved one. Sometimes, though, new traditions are desirable simply because our environment or the company we keep has changed or because we have changed.
Creating New Traditions
Creating new traditions doesn’t have to mean throwing out the old. That’s your call entirely. It might look more like changing things up in a way that reflects the values you hold and your interests and beliefs at your current stage of life. Some new traditions might be a blend of old and new. Others are entirely new. Like any habit building process, it’s important to keep your new ritual simple.
It’s not too much to want the rituals around the traditions we incorporate into our grown up lives to serve us. Periodically and respectfully checking in with the traditions you’ve made your own is a way of respecting yourself. If you’re feeling satisfied with what you’ve got going, that’s great. You may find, though, that some traditions no longer hold meaning for you or may even misalign with your values. Maybe it’s time for something new. As we grow and change, there’s room for our rituals and traditions to follow us. Discovering and honoring new rituals that meet you where you are as you evolve enhance your life.
Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post
Tradition from Fiddler On The Roof, Family Tradition by Hank Williams Jr., The Tradition by Halsey, Family is Family by Kacey Musgraves, Home by MIchael Bublé, Homeward Bound by Simon & Garfunkel, Teach Your Children by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, Circle of Life by Elton John
Thinking and Trying
Something to think about: “The less there is to justify a traditional custom, the harder it is to get rid of it” ― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
Something to try: Adopt a new tradition or ritual or adapt an old one and make it new. Blend elements of old and new, like combining traditional recipes with new dietary preferences or fusing cultural customs. The key is to maintain the essence of the tradition while allowing it to evolve or adding something entirely new to your routine. Some possibilities:
- taking a family walk
- adapting a traditional recipe to meet your current nutritional focus
- volunteering as a group
- playing board games
- watching a baking show while sipping tea, together
Join Our Tribe
I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts. We share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, this community welcomes you.
Coaching Can Help
If you’re undergoing changes in your life and you’re finding it hard to set boundaries or change behaviors, consider working with a coach. Together, we can help develop new rituals so you can feel more confident and move closer to the vision of you that aligns with the values you hold and the you that you want to be. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.
