Even Powerful Superheroes Do Better With a Support Network

During the pandemic years, when my tv-watching escalated to NSFH (not suitable for humans) proportions, I discovered my love of the Avengers. Yes, the Marvel Cinematic Universe Avengers: Ironman, Captain America, Captain Marvel, King T’Chala/Black Panther, Thor, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Hulk, Dr. Strange, Spiderman … I love ‘em. This team of powerful superheroes is made up of complicated individuals who are far from any standard of perfection. Ironman has an ego the size of a galaxy, Cap lives in the past, Hulk has trouble regulating his emotions. They are both imperfect and powerful on their own. But they are a force in the truest sense when they work together. Their embodiment of the concept of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts highlights the immeasurable value of having a support network.

Each Avenger is called upon to flex their specific muscle and contribute. No single Avenger can do it all (possibly Captain Marvel but she is busy saving galaxies the other Avengers have never heard of and can’t be everywhere at once). Guided by a strong sense of justice and morality and equipped with a sense of humor, each Avenger is able to put their issues aside in furtherance of the greater good. They are able to save the word because they know they can rely on their shared values and on each other. They do not hide their vulnerabilities from one another. Nor do they hide their challenges. And the group responds. They share their stories and concerns, brainstorm solutions, lift one another up, draw on their strengths, accept each other as they are, take their places and have one another’s backs. Avengers assemble!

Support Networks Separate Thrivers From Survivors

It’s important to have a support network made up of different people. None of us can go it alone. And no individual can meet every need of another individual so a little diversification is in order. You made not need a vast crew such as the Avengers but you need someone beyond yourself. Ideally, you want at least another someone or two beyond that someone. Studies have shown that having a good support network, with strong relationships you can count on, is vital. Our basic human needs include connection and safety.

A support network serves a number of purposes. First, it gives perspective, different ways of looking at some things as well as a reality check for others. Second, a support network helps ward off loneliness by providing a sense of belonging. Third, a network is a forum for sharing your stories, sharing your pain, seeking comfort and getting help. These ingredients take you to thriving from mere surviving.

You may choose to call your support network something else. It could be your friend group, your family, your inner circle, your campfire, the Marvel Cinematic Universe. The importance of having a few people you can turn to when you need a shoulder, a hand, or an ear cannot be overstated. Extra points if your support network includes a therapist acting in that capacity. A robust social support network is correlated with better health and longer life, resilience in times of stress, setback, or loss, and optimization of the good times. At different times in your life, you may feel that your support network is inadequate. Relationships and circumstances change and our networks change with them. Support networks can shrink and expand.

Midlife Marvel

In an earlier post, I wrote about Midlife Wonder-women having a Midlife Awakening (as opposed to a midlife crisis), largely attributable to the priority we make of friendships and community. The powerful superheroes of the Marvel Universe remind me of women at midlife who have lived many years saving their universe time and again. Women at midlife comprise the Midlife Marvel Universe, if you will. Midlife Marvel is that extraordinary community of women of a certain age defined by their wisdom, style, sense of humor and superpowers. They are unstoppable when they come together. Women at midlife need each other more than we ever did before. At midlife, many of us deeply appreciate just how much. Together, Midlife Marvel can save the world by accepting one another as we are, normalizing our experiences, drawing on each other’s strengths, and harnessing the power of the collective.

As is the case with most things I recommend or impart, my children avoided watching the Avengers films for years. Yet, recently, one of my daughters let me know she had started to watch the films and she was loving them. Her Marvel Marathon has been a joy to behold. She let me know she relates to the Hulk. I get that. My daughter watched the Avengers films and finds them relatable. Dreams really do come true.

Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post

Teamwork songs: Spider-Man Theme by Michael Bublé, With a Little Help From My Friends by The Beatles, We’re All in This Together from High School Musical, Better Together by Jack Johnson, Team by Lorde, We Are Family by Sister Sledge, Together by Sia, Catch Me Now I’m Falling by The Kinks

Thinking and Trying

Something to think about: “None of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.” — Mother Teresa

Something to Try:

(1) Identify and assess your support network by answering the following questions: Who do you have fun with? Who gives you the best advice? Who would you talk to if you were in need of urgent help? Who do you feel you can be yourself around the most? Who would you feel comfortable crying in front of? Who would you go to for a hug? Who do you want to share your good or bad news with? Who makes you feel good or boosts your confidence?

(2) Celebrate the name or list of names you’ve created and consider if there are any gaps to be filled. If there are, go fill ’em. It’s never too late.

(3) Consider volunteering, starting or joining a book club, joining a professional organization, taking up an activity or sport, or enrolling in a class to meet new people and fill in your gaps.

Coaching Can Help

If you find it difficult to reach out to your network for support or you feel like it’s time to expand or rebuild your network and that seems overwhelming, you might benefit from working with a coach. You can schedule a free 15 minute discovery Zoom with me here and we can explore if coaching is right for you.