How Do You Want To Be Remembered?

Do you ever think about the way you’d like to be remembered or the legacy you’d like to leave behind? We don’t typically get to choose but what if we did? Your answers to questions like this probably change over time. When we’re very young, we’re typically focused on present enjoyment. As we launch professionally, the focus may become future achievement. We might accomplish those “future achievements” over time and we might not. As we get older, maybe we reassess our “future achievements” somewhere along the way and change course. And maybe we do that several times. Either way, it may be the considerations that go into the way we answer the questions that change most of all.

Ground Breaking Accomplishments

Those of us who invented or created something ground-breaking may well hope to be remembered for it. It’s hard to imagine anyone not associating Dr. Jonas Salk with the polio vaccine or Steve Jobs with personal computers. Curiously, sometimes, people want recognition for something other than than that for which recognition seems obvious. The late Helen Reddy’s songI Am Woman became a symbol of profound change for women in the 70’s. In an interview decades later, she said, “To this day I get mail from women who say, I went to law school because of your song. But I would hate to think out of the wide spectrum of things I have done in my career, that’s all I would be remembered for.” We don’t get to choose what we’re remembered for but, if we did, an anthem for female empowerment seems like a pretty good legacy to me.

Personal Achievements

Identifying what you’d remember about someone else can differ greatly from the way they’d like to be remembered. Most of us have not written an anthem, cured polio, or founded Apple in our parents’ garage. That doesn’t mean we have not accomplished anything. In fact, it’s safe to say the vast majority of people have accomplished something in the course of their lives. The thing is, all around us, people are focused on their own efforts and achievements. They’re not usually paying attention to any of us so expecting to have your accomplishments register for someone else is a tall order. Find solace in the fact that being proud of your accomplishments is good for your health. It boosts self esteem and confidence, triggers dopamine, strengthens motivation, builds resilience, develops optimism, and reduces stress and anxiety.

The Way You Make Others Feel

Since people do not track the achievements of others, legacy and remembrance have to be about something more than that. As the popular quote, often attributed to Maya Angelou, goes, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” How you make others feel is an extension of who you are. For many of us, being remembered for who we are is or becomes more important than what we’ve done, particularly as we get older. According to a 2025 survey of 2,000 adults conducted by Talker Research, most Americans care more about the impression they’ll leave on their loved ones than leaving their mark on the world.

Legacy is an expression of our values and who we have become. We will be remembered as embodiments of the values we hold most dear. When we realize that we will be remembered as human beings rather than human doings, maybe we’ll remember to BE kinder, BE more thoughtful, and BE better to others. When you consider how you want to be remembered, reflect on the power of presence, connection, and the way you make others feel. Kindness, presence, and connection define the legacy you leave behind.

Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post

I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan, In My Life by The Beatles, See You Again by Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth, Unforgettable by Nat King Cole, Keep Me in Your Heart by Warren Zevon, What I Want To Be Remembered For by Paul Brandt, Remember Me by Miguel and Natalia Lafourcade (from the movie Coco), Remember You Young by Thomas Rhett

Thinking and Trying

Something to think about: “I don’t want to be remembered as the girl who was shot. I want to be remembered as the girl who stood up.” – Malala Yousafzai

Something to try: How about the 5-minute Eulogy?

1. Visualize: Imagine you are attending your own funeral
2. Observe: See your loved ones standing up to speak about you.
3. Reflect: Ask yourself:
   • What are they saying about my character and actions?
   • What admired qualities do they mention most?
   • What made me tick as a person?
   • What was my biggest contribution or legacy?
4. Write: Spend 5 minutes writing down what you would like to hear them say.

Join Our Tribe

I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts. We share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, this community welcomes you.

Coaching Can Help

Are you trying to make changes so you can live the life you want and, ultimately, be remembered for who you are? If so, consider working with a coach and engaging in visioning, values and action plan setting. Be the person you want to be remembered as. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help you. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.