Normalizing in the Best Possible Way

In an earlier post, I wrote about the change in language over time. It can be challenging to keep up with the latest slang and buzzwords. You may love some of the new words and phrases that suddenly seem ubiquitous and you may hate them. Many buzzwords generate excitement when they enter our lexicon because they seem like the perfect way of describing something. Then, with no warning, they suddenly feel cringey due to overuse (cringey is one of those words for me). One of the more recent words I was most excited to hear and use is “normalize.” I hope normalizing never falls out of favor. I’m also a fan of its cousin, “the new normal,” yet I know some people who disagree.

We use “normalize” a lot these days in connection with both mental health and menopause-related issues. I feverishly applaud those uses (feverishly probably due to the menopausal, relentless hot flashes that wreak havoc on my body temperature). It behooves us as a society to normalize conditions and stages of life that affect so many of us. In fact, it’s sensible for us to normalize most of what we have historically stigmatized or treated as taboo. Normalizing menopause may help women talk about what’s happening to their bodies and minds at this midlife stage. Maybe it would drive more doctors to treat menopausal symptoms as just that rather than something else that’s easy to dismiss. Normalizing mental health challenges may be what some people need to seek help, to connect in group therapy, or to feel good about themselves. Normalizing differences and equality may be what we need to exist in a truly just and inclusive society.

Lula Dean’s Little Library of Banned Books

I recently had a thoroughly enjoyable and most entertaining book experience. Lula Dean’s Little Library of Banned Books by Kristen Miller, a satire about book banning, had me laughing out loud while renewing my faith in the power of books to normalize situations, conditions, and people. Books have the ability to foster inclusion, rather than stigmatize. Stigmatizing leads to hate and intolerance.

The story takes place in a small town in Georgia where Lula Dean has spearheaded a movement to ban books. Books like Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl, Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret, and Lord of the Flies, among many others, are removed from the town’s public library. At the same time, Lula builds a Little Free Library on her front lawn and fills it with “wholesome” books. Lula’s little library includes books like The Southern Belle’s Guide to Etiquette, 101 Cakes to Bake for Your Family, and Manhood: The Masculine Virtues America Needs by Senator Josh Hawley. 

Lula Dean’s Little Library of Banned Books puts misogyny, gender discrimination, racism, homophobia, religious discrimination, mental health, gaslighting, anti-Semitism, closet Nazis, slavery, and rape on display. The story begins with someone sneaking onto Lula’s lawn in the middle of the night, stealing the wholesome books from the little library, and replacing them with banned books wearing the wholesome book dust jackets. As different townspeople read books they were never meant to access, attitudes shift. 

Little Free Library

Little Free Library is a real thing. It’s a fabulous nonprofit based in Minnesota that is committed to building community, inspiring readers, and expanding book access for all through a network of Little Free Library book-exchange boxes. Visitors are encouraged to take a book, share a book, and return a book. Normalizing access to books is everything.

Normalizing is Normally Good

But I digress. My point is that normalization is normally a good thing. Stigmatization is born from fear and ignorance and tends to grow nonsensically. Normalization is a form of realistic grounding and acceptance that, with any luck, chips away not only at intolerance, but also the shame that comes from secrecy. 

People have a tendency to lean in to negative presumptions when it comes to people, culture, qualities, or behaviors we don’t understand or just don’t know. Educating ourselves is the most important thing we can do in those cases. Normalizing comes when we take the time to expose ourselves to new things, learn about them, and develop understanding. 

Can We Normalize Too Much?

A sly and sneaky flipside of the negative presumptions we may attribute to people we don’t know is a tendency take for granted qualities we somehow expect the people we do know to have. Curiously, here’s an area where we sometimes normalize to a fault. 

The wonderfulness of the people we know and love is always worth an extra beat. We’re missing so many opportunities if we take the good stuff for granted. If someone is kind, let’s recognize their kindness. Not everyone acts kindly all the time so it’s important to recognize kindness for the gift that it is, rather than write it off by normalizing or expecting it. If someone accomplishes a task that was challenging for them, even if it might not have seemed so challenging to you, why not acknowledge it? It doesn’t matter if you thought they were capable of the accomplishment or if it didn’t seem like such a big deal to you. It might have been a big deal to them and by acknowledging the accomplishment, you just might be encouraging them to feel good about themselves and strive for more. Acknowledging something you see in someone else is a way of validating and extending a kindness to others. Let’s celebrate that which is wonderful rather than allow ourselves to become desensitized to wonder.

When we stigmatize, we do everyone a disservice. When we  normalize the things that make someone wonderful, we do the same thing. We can do better. Let’s make that the new normal.

P.S.

I carefully choose the photos attached to each of my blog posts. When I searched images to go with the theme of normalizing, the first thousand or so photos I found were of people wearing masks. The terms “normalize” and “the new normal” were used regularly during the Covid era, when masking became the new normal. This was a reminder to me that the pandemic years are not yet so far behind us and they had such a profound and lasting effect.

Musical Playlist as You Ponder This Post

Everyday People by Sly and the Family Stone; We Don’t Talk About Bruno from Encanto; Anti-Hero by Taylor Swift; Nowhere Man by the Beatles; Ordinary People by John Legend; We are the Normal by the Goo Goo Dolls

Thinking and Trying

Something to think about: “Maybe your weird is my normal. Who’s to say?” – Nicki Minaj

Something to try: It’s been trendy for several years now to normalize failure. Parents are instructed to teach their children the benefits of failure and encourage them to fail. Despite myriad efforts at embracing failure, the thought of it continues to terrify many of my contemporaries (and those with imposter syndrome, of course, are certain it’s right around the corner). If you’re not so comfortable with the prospect of failing , try speaking aloud the following positive affirmations when you next encounter the fear of or actual failure:

• “I am grateful for the support and encouragement of those around me.”
• “I am capable of turning this failure into an opportunity for growth and success.”
• “I am resilient and can bounce back from any setback.”
• “I am worthy and deserving of success, and this failure does not define me.”
• “I have learned valuable lessons from this failure that will help me in the future.”
• “I am grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow from this experience.”
• “I trust in my abilities and know that I will succeed in the end.”
• “I embrace challenges and setbacks as opportunities for personal and professional growth.”
• “I am confident in my ability to overcome obstacles and achieve my goals.”

Coaching Can Help

Coaching can help you shift your mindset and expand your openness to new ideas. If you’d like to work with me, just schedule a free 15 minute chat here.