Maintaining Hope and Joy During These Difficult Times

There is no escaping the fact that we’re living in dark and difficult times. I’ve grappled with whether or not I wanted to confront that reality in a blog post since this blog is about wellness and not intended to be political. At the end of the day, though, I’m a woman, a Jew, an American, a Canadian, a citizen of the world, and a human. Humanity and wellness transcend the political and are certainly influenced and affected by it. Like so many of you, I read the latest news with trepidation and a broken heart every day. How can anyone consider wellness in this era without acknowledging that the context in which we’re living is its biggest threat? How can we maintain sanity and hope or find joy when it feels like the world is ending?

It’s Not About Catastrophizing or Languishing

This isn’t about catastrophizing, a topic covered in an earlier post. Rather, it’s about navigating actual catastrophes during difficult times. It’s about acknowledging the pain you’re currently feeling without allowing yourself to be consumed by suffering and endless worry. During the pandemic era, Adam Grant described the widespread feeling of blah and disconnection that so many people shared as “languishing.” Now, just a few years later, the widespread feelings shared by so many seem closer to straight up anxiety, depression, and terror. We wake up in the morning with a dreaded sense of “I can’t.” These are unimaginably difficult times and it’s hard to know what to do – to feel better, to maintain hope, to make a difference.

Don’t Give Up on Self Care

There are no easy, pacifying words or simple solutions. But it is clear that self care is more important than ever. The world hasn’t ended (yet) and we still have to show up. The better you feel, the better you’re able to contribute and make your time on this earth meaningful. Now is not the time to give up on yourself. 

All the usual suspects that we rely on for optimal health and happiness continue to apply. Moving your body, getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, minimizing your time on social media, and maintaining your social connections are all critical. Making sure you drink enough water and breathe are equally important. Acknowledging your feelings and seeking support from a therapist, coach, or someone in your support network can be saviors. Maybe you are able to find comfort in spending time with people who share your interests or your values. Sometimes, graciously allowing yourself to do nothing is the best thing you can do.

What Else Can You Do?

If you’re struggling to make sense of the world and your place in it right now, you’re certainly not alone. If all of the above still don’t do it for you, consider thinking out of the box. I certainly don’t have all the answers but I’m happy to share a few suggestions from my own list:

1. Watch Tell Me More with Kelly Corrigan on PBS. If you’re going to binge-watch anyway, here’s something you might feel good about. Kelly Corrigan is an author, podcaster, and television host. Season 7, filmed in 2024, is a 10-episode season dedicated to wellness because Kelly’s team reads the same headlines we do and recognizes we need help. Each episode is focused on a different component of wellness delivered via conversation with experts in each field. It’s fantastic.
2. Read the book Hardwiring Happiness by celebrated neuropsychologist and bestselling author Rick Hanson. To help our ancestors survive, our brains evolved a negativity bias by which we continue to hold onto bad experiences so we remember how to keep ourselves safe. We let the good experiences go. This book is an accessible, digestible, practical guide for learning how to hold onto the good experiences and weave them as inner strengths into our brains, our minds and our lives. Dr. Hanson teaches the reader to turn everyday good experiences into good neural structure.
3. Volunteer. Any effort you make as a volunteer worker will no doubt benefit someone else. It can also have extraordinary benefits for you. Volunteering has been linked to better physical and mental health. It increases positive feelings by releasing dopamine. By spending time in service to others, volunteers report feeling a sense of meaning and appreciation, which can have a stress-reducing effect. Reduced stress decreases the risk of heart disease, stroke, depression, anxiety and general illness. By its very nature, volunteer work is hopeful activity. It fits comfortably within the Jewish concept of Tikkun Olam, repairing the world and preparing it to enter the ultimate state for which it was created.
4. Learn and engage in Radical Acceptance. If you read my earlier post on Dialectical Behavior Therapy, you already know I’m a fan to the point that I’d ideally like to see every citizen of the world learn DBT skills. For now, let’s focus on a version of Radical Acceptance, a distress tolerance skill. I do not mean to suggest that people should sit idly by during difficult times without trying to change the things they can. I fully support activist efforts to make certain an array of voices are heard by decision makers. That said, when we radically accept, we recognize that some parts of life are beyond our control. It involves moving away from emotional reactions and helplessness toward calm and logical thought, giving us a chance to disconnect from some of the pain, regroup, and get on with life.
5. On the recommendation of a very lovely friend, I recently read the novel Here One Moment by Liane Moriarty. I loved it and found it to be incredibly timely and thought-provoking. The story begins with a short, domestic flight on which passengers learn how and when they will die. Has it occurred to you that these difficult times we’re enduring are a harbinger of the coming end of this civilization? Would you do things differently if you knew you only had a certain amount of time left to live? Would you try to dodge your destiny?
6. Find, rely on, and, when possible, laugh with your tribe, your community, your besties.
7. Consider therapy and, possibly, medication to help you through the darkness.

Each of these “hacks” is built on a foundation of hope. It’s up to you to find the hacks that work best for you. But please make sure you do that. People are resilient and capable of getting through so much. We can do this!

Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post

What’s Going On by Marvin Gaye, Doctor My Eyes by Jackson Brown, Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon and Garfunkel, Heal the World by Michael Jackson, Imagine by John Lennon, Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey, Redemption Song by Bob Marley, Blowin’ in the Wind by Bob Dylan, Get Up, Stand Up by Bob Marley and The Wailers, Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer, One by U2, We Are The World by USA for Africa, Where’s The Love by the Black Eyed Peas, Teach Your Children by Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young

Thinking and Trying

Something to think about: “What gives me hope in these tenuous times is the knowledge that there is precedent for change and there’s precedent for hope. Hope has bred change again and again” – Ava DuVernay

Something to try: How about a new take on the gratitude journal? Every day write down one thing for which you are grateful (no rules; you can be grateful for your pet everyday) and one thing you’re looking forward to the next day. In one fell swoop, you can feel gratitude and experience joyful anticipation. As a result of keeping this type of journal (the first I’ve ever kept for an extended period of time), I find I’m holding onto the positive, grateful feelings longer (see Hardwiring Happiness above) and planning fun activities for myself so I always have something to look forward to the next day.

Join Our Tribe

I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria, Marguerite, and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The four of us have joined together to bring you Four Wise Women, a podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts where we share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journey through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or simply the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, we hope you’ll tune in to be part of this community of wise women.

Coaching Can Help

We are living in difficult times and if you’re feeling overwhelmed and under pressure, know that you’re not alone. If you’re feeling alone, though, or just stuck, you might find it helpful to add a coach to your network. Contact me here and let’s talk about what coaching can do for you. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.