Have you ever thought or said , “I knew it,” even though your actions might have suggested you didn’t? We frequently doubt that indescribable feeling of just knowing an answer in favor of overthinking and data collection. When we assess after the fact, we often realize we’d have achieved the desired outcome if we trusted our instincts. Trusting instinct might be easier when we begin to accept that intuition is a real thing, not a fabricated myth.
Neural Wiring
Intuition is the ability to understand something immediately by drawing on cues and making quick decisions without conscious reasoning. It’s related to and distinguished from insight, the capacity to gain an accurate and deeper understanding of a problem. Men and women both have intuition but women’s intuition has gotten more play over the years.
Some studies suggest there is a scientific explanation for the apparent difference between the genders that has to do with neural wiring. The wiring in women is said to go between the left and right hemispheres, facilitating communication between analysis and intuition or emotion. In contrast to women’s greater connectivity between hemispheres, men are said to have greater neural connectivity within each hemisphere, facilitating connectivity between perception and coordinated action. As a result of these differences, men are potentially better at learning and performing a single task whereas women have superior memory (until midlife, of course) and social cognition skills. Women also have years of abundant estrogen, which boosts sensitivity to emotional cues. Hormones and neural pathways combine to create women’s intuition. Lifetime experience sharpens the skill. It’s a real thing. Just look at the science.
Ignoring Your Gut
Why, then, do we doubt or ignore our gut feelings so often? Therapist Lindsay Pratt answers with the following:
- We don’t want to be wrong yet we hear our inner voices more readily when we allow ourselves to be wrong sometimes
- We don’t want the onus to fall only on us yet owning our own decisions is an empowering tool that allows us to fully live our lives
- We believe there is only one correct choice yet life rarely comes down to black and white choices and releasing the binaries let’s us live our lives more authentically
In addition to Pratt’s list of explanations, women have historically been criticized for being too sensitive, too emotional, too dramatic, and too illogical. It’s possible that we were shamed at some point during our lives, even inadvertently, leaving us questioning whether or not to trust our feelings. Unconscious and inadvertent shaming can do more damage than we might imagine and many of us are guilty of inflicting it on others. Have you ever tried to help cheer someone up by telling them they have no reason to feel sad or anxious after they’ve shared those feelings? I know I’ve thought I was helping my daughters get out of a rut by telling them all the reasons they did not have to feel anxious when they expressed that they were. On the rarest of occasions that might be helpful but more often than not, it’s planting an unwelcome seed and it’s invalidating. Repercussions may be insidious despite the best of intentions. For what it’s worth, now that I know better, I try hard to do better.
Strengthening Intuition
Intuition is something we have. It’s also something we can strengthen with practice. That practice involves learning to trust yourself and to give yourself grace when you make a mistake. Your gut feelings are by no means infallible so it helps to accept from the start that mistakes will be made. Research suggests that using both gut feelings and analytical thinking together leads to quicker, better decisions than those made ignoring intuition so honing the skill is in your best interests. Here are some practical ways to hone your intuitive skills:
- Start small by making speedy, low-stakes decisions
- Test the potential outcomes of a decision by role playing/simulating outcomes and see how they feel or even flipping a coin and see how you feel
- Put your decision to a snap judgment test: write out a list of yes/no questions about the decision you’re making, followed by the words yes, then no. Leave the list for a few hours and then come back to it and go through it quickly, circling yes or no without thinking. See where you end up
- Identify the three values that are most important to you and consider which one aligns with the outcome of a quick gut-fueled choice next time you have to make a tough decision
You Know What’s Best For You
Our gut-level emotions, also known as our intuition, are real and valuable. Regardless of the reason we silence the feelings that are trying to keep us safe, we can train ourselves to listen better. Deep down, we generally know what we need and what’s best for us. Knowing is not usually the problem. Listening to what we know and acting upon it might be. And it’s true, a gut feeling could actually be wrong. It might lead us to make a mistake. Ultimately, that’s the part we need to learn to accept. In what world is it possible for a person to avoid making mistakes? Not this world. Not these people. We’re imperfect, fallible humans and that’s how we’re meant to be.
Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post
Intuition by Ellie Goulding, Pure Intuition by Shakira, Intuition by Jewel, Trust Yourself by Bob Dylan, Trust by Chris Stapleton, Be Yourself by Frank Ocean, Gravity Song by John Mayer, That’s So True by Gracie Abrams, Intuition by Jewel, Ella Mai – Gut Feeling ft. H.E.R, Respect by Aretha Franklin
Thinking and Trying
Something to think about: “I feel there are two people inside me – me and my intuition. If I go against her, she’ll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely. ” – Kim Basinger
Something to try: Compliments of Lindsay Pratt, embrace today as the perfect day to begin releasing self-blame, owning each decision, and tossing out those “rights and wrongs” in order to start hearing that voice that’s the only one worth listening to: your own.
Join Our Tribe
I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts. We share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, this community welcomes you.
Coaching Can Help
Do you like the idea of trusting yourself more but finding the thought of turning it into a practice a little overwhelming? If that’s the case, consider working with a coach to help get you in touch with the voice within. Together, we can help you become the you that you want to be. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.
