Readiness is a Choice You Have Agency to Make

The other day I happened upon an Instagram post that read “Readiness is not a feeling. It’s a choice.” How often does Instagram stop you in your tracks in a good way? How often do we put off doing something we want or need to do because we don’t feel quite ready? Feeling ready generally seems to be the threshold for action or change but feelings are meant to be messages, not control towers. We can learn from our feelings and they can guide us but it’s best to be wary of giving them too much operational control. Choice, though, that’s something we can work with and through. How frequently are we sure things are the way they are and don’t stop to consider whether or not we have some measure of control? Choice is worth discussing. Readiness is a choice.

The reality is that our lives are replete with so much more choice than we often realize. Even when we’re feeling an utter lack of control, there are choices to be made. We can choose our reactions and even our next steps. Recognizing that there is choice amid the chaos is a way of gaining control and grounding.

Agency

Agency is the capacity to influence your own thoughts and behavior. It starts with recognizing you have power in the ability to make choices. There’s no question we can’t control everything that happens to us but through it all, we retain the ability to make choices along the way. Readiness is a choice and it’s far from the only behavioral choice we’re empowered to make on a daily basis.

Stanford University psychology professor Albert Bandura, an agency expert, suggests we have far more power than we realize. Full-fledged agency requires engaging its 4 helpers or pillars:

• Forethought: visualizing the future and setting goals, and making plans.
• Implementation: taking first steps, enacting plans, and persisting toward success.
• Self-management: taking care of yourself and maintaining good health to sustain your efforts.
• Learning and adapting: monitoring progress, rethinking strategies and tactics, and making effective adjustments.

Ask the Right Question

When it comes to the readiness question, like so many others, we’re very good at talking ourselves out of things, convincing ourselves we’re not ready enough. We set arbitrary start dates for ourselves, like a new year or next Monday, hoping we can get ourselves to a state of readiness. But I think we’re often asking the wrong question. Maybe the question is simply whether or not we have a choice. More often than not, the answer is yes and then it’s up to us to consider our worth, collect the relevant information, make the best choices we can and own them. When we’ve made a choice that turns out to be the wrong one, we can choose to correct our course. Either way, it’s not about feeling ready. It’s about choosing the agency over our lives that we are so fortunate to have. Readiness, much like fear and anxiety, can take a back seat but we don’t have to let any of them drive the car. The choice is ours. Choice gets to ride shotgun. The more choices we consciously make, the more intentional and stronger our sense of agency.

Happy New Year

Speaking of new years… This week we celebrated the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashanah, marking the start of the Jewish new year, a time for reflection, repentance and resolution. I attended a service led by a dear friend of mine, a Rabbi at the oldest Reform Jewish congregation in New York City. This is someone whose sermons always affect me profoundly and make me think. “Optimism is not naive,” she said. It’s a system and a choice. Optimism is the kind of choice that begets more choices. You may not feel ready to be optimistic right now and, given the state of the world, that’s understandable. But remember that the state of the world doesn’t define you and many choices are still yours to make. I wish you a sweet, healthy, and happy new year, regardless of your faith or lack thereof. Make good choices. Now’s as good a time as any to make the choice to move forward. Ready, set, go!

Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post

Should I Stay or Should I Go and Remote Control by The Clash, Try Everything by Shakira, Control by Janet Jackson, It’s My Life by Bon Jovi, Lose Control by Teddy Swims, Control by Halsey, Under Control by Ellie Goulding

Thinking and Trying

Something to think about: “I’ll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don’t choose. We’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry us. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore.”― Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

Something to try: The next time you sense something happening around you or within you that doesn’t feel quite right, take a pause and fight the urge to disregard the feeling. Stop, pay attention, and work on finding a better path for yourself. By practicing more agency, you’ll have more influence over your life and greater impact on the lives of others.

Join Our Tribe

I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen in on Spotify or Apple podcasts. On the podcast, we share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or simply the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, tune in to be part of this community of wise women.

Coaching Can Help

Connecting with our sense of agency is vital to living the lives we want to live. There’s no avoiding the stuff that happens to us in life and we can’t control everything but we can control our responses and choose where we go next. If that sounds overwhelming to you or you’re just not comfortable getting started (maybe you’re waiting to feel ready), you might benefit from working with a coach. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help you develop healthy habits that keep you feeling your best. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.