I’ve been thinking recently about women and hair. This is probably because I’m thinking I want to change up my appearance a little and hair is an easy way for me to do that. Hair is and has always been a symbol of identity, power and beauty. Many organized religions attach spiritual significance to hair. Hair power is biblical going back to when Samson lost his superhuman strength after Delilah shaved off his flowing locks. Samson’s bad haircut led to his capture. Step aside Samson A bad haircut can reduce even the strongest lady to an ark-level flood of tears. The fact that it will grow back is irrelevant.
Control is Power
We all know that a bad hair day can ruin an otherwise fabulous look. But our attachment to hair goes well beyond vanity. Trauma sometimes hides behind a mess of waves. Hair gives us options and, frequently, some measure of control. We can change color and we can change style or cut to reflect different transitions and stages throughout our lives. I became a redhead after my divorce. The pull to start fresh and, to some extent, try on a new me for size was extremely strong. I don’t think I’ll ever shed the red entirely but I’m in such a different and better place these days that I’m thinking of changing it up again.
Opportunity is Power
Hair offers the opportunity to outwardly reflect changes you may be feeling on the inside. Brushing or braiding a child’s hair is often considered an act of love. Hair can be a powerful tool for personal expression and storytelling. You can blow it dry, braid it, coil it, iron it, or adorn it in different styles to reflect different moods, You can even wear a wig and change things up as dramatically as you can imagine. Your hair can look great even if you’re not feeling wonderful about the rest of your appearance. It can lift you up and it can, literally, weigh you down.
The Hairy Truth
Our relationship with hair is rarely just about hair. Hair can have cultural significance. It can reflect resistance, resilience, reinvention, and personal empowerment. Hair changes along with life changes. Stress, hormones, and illness can wreak havoc. Beyond the way it looks, hair provides a lens into our health and our systems. It reacts to both physical and emotional health challenges and betrays our secrets to those who pay attention.
The Rules
A few weeks ago I considered the rules around clothing choices through the ages. Back in the day so many rules existed. No white clothing after Labor Day. Don’t mix black and navy. Red and pink clash. Today there are no such rules. You can even mix checks, stripes, and polka dots if you want. Wear what you want, own your choices, please yourself and feel good. When you look good, you feel good and when you feel good, you look great. But do you feel like you look great when your hair doesn’t?
Hair rules used to be as rigid as clothing. You might have felt pressure to sport a perm, a fringe, a pixie, a bob, a Farrah Fawcett, or a Rachel from Friends. Your sole act of resistance growing up might have included cutting your own bangs, maybe more than once. As you got older, it was understood that your hair should get shorter. I bought into that one for a while (and, yes, cut my own bangs more than once) but realized I prefer the way I look and feel when my hair is longer. It boosts my confidence. That counts. We have no need for the faux rules that don’t serve us. These days, I happily brush out my long hair when I get ready to go out, maybe putting on a pair of white jeans well after Labor Day.
Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post
Hair by Lady Gaga, Whip My Hair by Willow Smith, Sister Golden Hair by America, Almost Cut My Hair by Crosby, Sills, Nash & Young, Hair by Carl Wayne (from the musical Hair), Let My Hair Down by Nelly Furtado, Hair Up by Justin Timberlake, Gwen Stefani, and Ron Funches, Black is the Color of My True Love’s Hair by Nina Simone, Lend Me Your Comb by The Beatles, Big, Blonde and Beautiful from the musical Hairspray
Thinking and Trying
Something to think about: “Life is short, keep your dreams big and your hair bigger.” — Dolly Parton
Something to try: Be a rule breaker. Try on a piece of clothing or an outfit from your closet that you usually avoid because they feel “too young,” “too bold,” or “too casual” for your age (you know have something that fits the brief, that you just haven’t been able to give up). Take a photo, look in the mirror, and ask: “Does this make me feel confident?” If it does, wear it! If it doesn’t, give it away.
Join Our Tribe
I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts. We share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, this community welcomes you.
Coaching Can Help
If you’re struggling with self acceptance because you can’t get past self judgment, you might consider working with a coach. Together, we can help you create an action plan full of small steps and accountability so you can appreciate the wonderful human you are. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help you. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.
“What does my hair say about me?”
Not much–it’s been gone for decades! 🙁