We each have a comfort zone: a place or situation or general pattern of behavior that feels safe and doesn’t cause stress. Going outside our comfort zone involves making a choice to try something potentially less safe. People often opt for sticking with what’s comfortable rather than taking chances and making changes. We know that it’s good to push ourselves outside of our comfort zones some of the time. That’s where we experience real personal growth. Arguably more important that just spending time outside your comfort zone is learning how to get comfortable being uncomfortable.
When we think of discomfort as a problem, we try to avoid it. If the upside to feeling some discomfort is significant, we might push ourselves a little harder. If exercise hurts but we really want to get stronger or more toned, we might just push ourselves to do a few more reps. But if we reframe discomfort in a way that makes the discomfort itself a positive, we open ourselves up to so much. When we learn how to be comfortable feeling uncomfortable, we give ourselves the chance to build resilience, solve problems, and grow.
Lean Into Discomfort
It’s easy, of course, to say we should lean into discomfort and another thing entirely to actually do it. Comfortable is as safe and smooth as possible and it’s nice to feel as though we have control over something in this life. Discomfort is the opposite. It’s not a warm blanket. Discomfort is the chill when the blanket is cast aside. People hold on to scraps of their baby blankets forever. There’s a reason for that. Craving comfort is human. We are hard wired to survive as comfortably as we can.
The irony is that we survive better, even more efficiently, when we stop working so hard to avoid discomfort and lean into it instead. Reframing the discomfort zone as a good and powerful place to be is an important step if we want to reap the benefits. It’s the zone where we try new things, learn about ourselves and make our best moves. Getting comfortable feeling uncomfortable is a superpower you may not have realized was in your grasp.
Discomfort As A Tool For Growth
The London Psychiatry Centre identifies 8 ways to embrace discomfort as a tool for growth:
- Trim down the toxic positivity (let your tears and anger come, run their course, and pass as they will)
- Lean into the physical feelings (observe the way your discomfort feels physical without trying to analyze or judge it)
- Connect with your inner observer (rather than trying to control your thoughts and emotions, sit back and observe them as they go by, which they will)
- Choose your hard (avoidance of and embracing or confronting discomfort are both hard)
- Seek out manageable discomfort (start small and build your discomfort muscles)
- Zoom out (focus on the big picture, what you stand to gain by leaning into discomfort)
- Ground yourself (when confronting discomfort makes you panic, take a moment to steady yourself with a grounding exercise to get through the panic and continue)
- Get therapy
Leaning into discomfort necessarily means entering newness and relinquishing control of an outcome. Control may be comforting in theory but it’s also exhausting to sustain. Maintaining control takes a great deal of energy and since there will always be variables outside your control, you may still be unhappy with an outcome. Maybe we’re evaluating the wrong outcome. Making the conscious decision to proactively get comfortable feeling uncomfortable sets you up to take chances more readily and helps you build the confidence to do just that. When you step outside your comfort zone and things don’t work out, you’ll always know you tried and survived. Every time you lean into discomfort and survive the experience, your track record for survival gets stronger and control of your life is more firmly in your hands. Sounds like a pretty good outcome to me.
Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post
Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd, Hurts So Good by John Cougar Mellencamp, It’s OK Not to Be OK by Demi Lovato, Everybody Hurts by R.E.M., Pain by Three Days Grace, Give Me Novacaine by Green Day, Precious Pain by Melissa Etheridge, Anxiety by Doechii, Uncomfortable by Brett Young, Uncomfortable by Wallows, I Just Might by Bruno Mars (new song!!!)
Thinking and Trying
Something to think about: “One element of Madonna’s career that really takes center stage is how many times she’s reinvented herself. It’s easier to stay in one look, one comfort zone, one musical style. It’s inspiring to see someone whose only predictable quality is being unpredictable.” – Taylor Swift
Something to try: Credit to the London Psychiatry Centre for suggesting practicing some effective grounding techniques and offering a good one. Try 5-4-3-2-1 next time you think about taking a chance, doing something different, or you simply want to expand your comfort zone but the thought makes you panic: Take a look around. Identify 5 things that you can see. Observe four things around you that you can touch (or touch them). Notice three things that you can hear. Name two smells around you. Identify one thing that you can taste. By grounding this way, the feeling of panic should calm enough that you can come back into the present moment.
Join Our Tribe
I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts. We share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, this community welcomes you.
Coaching Can Help
Leaning into discomfort relies on relinquishing control that you may have never had in the first place and learning how to regulate rather than avoid your emotions. It can be tough to do all this on your own. Consider working with a therapist or coach to help you become the you that you want to be. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.
I’ve been “uncomfortable” for the past 60 years!
Okay, maybe not all of them, but MOST!!!!