If We Judge Less, We’ll Have Energy to Zhuzh More

My beloved dog who died in February was, quite possibly, the most judgmental being I have ever known. He could cut you down several sizes with a mere glance. He was usually right too. Whether it was outfits, haircuts, food choices, decisions… Harsh but accurate. Of course, he and his judgment could be bought with treats. That’s generally not the case with humans, though I suppose it depends on the treats. We are an exceptionally judgy species. Humans seem predisposed to judgment. We judge ourselves and others. None of us enjoys being judged yet we’re all victims and, at least to some extent (sometimes a large extent), perpetrators. As we head toward end of year reflection and festivities as well as thoughts and hopes for the new year ahead, might we consider judge less, zhuzh more?

The Yardstick of Judgment

So why do we judge in the first place? Sometimes judging comes from a place of insecurity and sometimes it’s generated from a feeling of superiority. Author Mark Manson offers an interesting and insightful perspective on judgment. He links judgment to the way we measure our value and suggests, “The way you measure yourself is how you measure others, and how you assume others measure you.” We may measure our own lives through money, beauty, family relationships or service and good deeds. Whichever stands out as most important to us becomes a yardstick by which we measure and judge others. But other people choose yardsticks of their own so we’re ultimately not even judging one another by any shared standard.

Not all judging is bad or wrong. Manson goes on to say, “There are plenty of values worth judgment. I judge people who are violent and malicious. But that is a reflection of who I am. I judge violence and malice within myself. Those are traits that I will not tolerate within myself, therefore I do not tolerate them in others.” But some judging, particularly self-judging, tends to bring us down.

Mindfulness and Judgment

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more acutely aware of the judgments that enter my consciousness. There’s no pretending that we’re above judging others and, equally, no pretending that we don’t have the power to make choices when it comes to those judgments. We can stand by the thoughts that enter our brains and give them weight or we can dismiss them as quickly as they occur. By paying attention to thoughts I have about anyone else, I find it easier to dismiss meaningless, negative judgments rather than give them weight. I’d like to think I was never excessively judgmental in the past but I can say for certain that, when it comes to judging others, I judge less now than I did. I’m more aware of what I think and do and own the choices I make.

At this stage of my life, it’s eminently clear to me that I am in no position to judge anyone. That’s true for most of us. I’m also aware that I couldn’t possibly know anyone’s backstory if they haven’t shared it with me. Without the backstory, there’s no context and certainly no evidence. Meaningful judgment is rare without evidence.

Judge Less and Zhuzh it Up!

Judging myself is much harder to overcome. I try to apply the same rules. Take a pause when a judgment enters my consciousness, consider if there’s any merit to it and if it can be used in a positive way. If not, I try to wave goodbye. Sometimes it works. More often, it doesn’t. Over the last several years, I’ve become very honest with myself and sometimes, those self-judgments are fierce and stubborn. As we move toward a new year, I’ve decided to focus on zhuzhing (jeujing also acceptable) rather than judging myself. It may be impossible to stop self-judgments from occurring but each time one comes for me, I’m going to try to focus on zhuzhing up something other element that makes me… me.

Zhuzhing is making something more interesting, stylish, lively, or attractive. Your zhuzhiness is entirely within your control. Maybe I can occasionally wear something other than sweatpants or add a pop of color into my wardrobe or plan travel or prepare myself a colorful meal or try a new activity or listen to new music.

Judge less, zhuzh more may just be the start of something. It can be exhausting to feel we don’t measure up to self-imposed standards and holding others to random standards they didn’t sign on for is empty. Zhuzhing is a choice that focuses energy on making the most of what you have and who you are.

Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post

Don’t Judge a Woman by Lauren Alaina, I Fought the Law by The Clash, The Judge by Twenty One Pilots, You Can’t Judge a Book by the Cover by the Yardbirds/Bo Diddley, Here Comes the Judge by Shorty Long, No Judgment by Niall Horan, Judge Not by Bob Marley & The Wailers

Thinking and Trying

Something to think about: “I think people are way less judgmental about chunky guys.” – Tyra Banks

Something to try: Take some time to think about your own yardstick. Do you measure your life through money and accolades, beauty and popularity, family and relationships, service and good deeds? Which one in particular matters most to you? Consider that on some level, you’re probably using that measurement on others, even if that measurement is not important to them. Remember you can make the choice to change it if it doesn’t enhance your wellbeing. You’re more in control of your happiness than you might think.

Coaching Can Help

If you want to judge less and zhuzh more but you’re not sure how to get started, you might benefit from working with a coach. I’m happy to hop on a 15-minute call with you over Zoom to explain coaching and see if we’re a good fit to work together. This discovery call is free. Reserve your appointment here.