The title of this post pays homage to a 1975 WonderBra commercial featuring a woman expressing how looking good makes her feel good, and feeling good makes her look great. How would the makers of WonderBra deal with the fact that so many women today opt to go braless? That was pretty much unheard of in 1975 and well beyond. Women wore bras both to provide support and to cover up. We subscribed to the unwritten law of undergarments. The law has been repealed by younger generations.
The WonderBra commercial aired during the “no white clothing after Labor Day” era. This was a fairly strict rule at the time, one that I’m still not entirely comfortable violating. When any of my grown daughters wears her white jeans in the winter, I cringe a little. My daughters also mix gold and silver jewelry, something I’ve always thought could not be done. My rule-following nature has a little trouble adjusting when rules flip flop. And don’t get me started on flip flops or sandals for that matter. I was always told that wearing either with socks was forbidden. Then Gen Z turned doing so into a fashion statement.
The Fashion Police
Who gets to decide if we look good or, better yet, if we look great? Well, if you saw The Devil Wears Prada, then you know who makes decision from a fashion perspective. The answer is Miranda Priestly, of course (if you never saw The Devil Wears Prada, you might want to correct that oversight before the sequel comes out in May). In the real world, it goes well beyond the rules and trends set by the fashion industry. The informal council of your peers lurks in your subconscious, rendering judgment on you and your clothing choices, whether they’re actually judging you or not. Frequently, they are not. Sometimes, they are. People certainly judge the appearance and clothing choices of others all the time.
Who Do You Dress For?
By midlife we’re supposed to have reached the stage where the judgment of others doesn’t matter but, in fact, for many of us, the reality is that it simply doesn’t matter as much as it once did. But it still matters. It’s equally true, that we’d generally prefer to look good when we go out, as opposed to not so much. And as we get older and start feeling more insecure in terms of how we’re aging and looking, sometimes we lose some confidence in our ability to determine whether or not something fits well or we look great.
We want to dress appropriately for our age and we don’t want to look bad or be invisible. Sometimes assistance or validation from trusted friends is helpful. There’s nothing wrong with taking age into account when we choose our clothing as long as we consider for whom it is we’re dressing and, ultimately, whose judgment of our choices matters.
Ideally, when we go out, we’re dressing for ourselves and a little for the people who matter to us. Not everyone matters to us equally. All opinions and judgments do not carry the same weight.
Confusion in Our Closets
In the post-pandemic world, casual clothing has taken center stage and that’s thrilling for many of us. It’s also thrown clothing rules as we knew them into a tailspin. Business casual replaced business attire. It’s acceptable to leave home wearing sweatpants. Even restaurants that were known for having dress codes have largely relaxed them. Friends of mine who recently came to visit were surprised to hear they didn’t have to dress up to see a Broadway show. Athleisure is one of my favorite words, not to mention clothing choices, in the current era
The generational divide has further messed up the closet. Young people wear midriff baring tops and butt-grazing skirts. These are not clothing items I would consider wearing and that’s the right choice for me. No one should wear anything that makes them uncomfortable. As far as Gen Xers are concerned, what’s acceptable for Gen Z, is not necessarily acceptable or appropriate for Gen X and older. The interesting paradox is that Gen Zers and those younger typically couldn’t care less what Gen Xers and those older wear. We’ve been hemmed in by our own rules of tailoring.
The Path to Feeling Good and Looking Great
It all comes down to choice, making the choices that are right for us, and owning the decisions we make. Ultimately, the path to feeling good and looking great is paved with choosing outfits based on comfort, temperature, mood stability, and style. Style is up to you and if comfort is your priority, that’s perfectly fine. Feeling comfortable in your own skin is the first step. What you then put on that skin is really up to you. The rules are there are no rules. I’m not certain that feeling good is all it takes to look great but I definitely think it’s the most important ingredient and I’m not entirely sure what looking great means anyway.
Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post
Vogue by Madonna, Blue Suede Shoes by Elvis Presley, These Boots Are Made for Walkin by Nancy Sinatra, Boogie Shoes by KC & The Sunshine Band, Shoes by Shania Twain, Freakum Dress by Beyoncé, Short Skirt/Long Jacket by Cake, Devil with the Blue Dress by Mitch Ryder, Cardigan by Taylor Swift, Sweater Weather by The Neighbourhood, Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress by The Hollies, Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini by Brian Hyland, Raspberry Beret by Prince, Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart
Thinking and Trying
Something to think about: “Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves, and of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys, they’d just walk around naked at all times.” —Betsey Johnson
Something to try: Get rid of clothes that make you feel bad. If you don’t have any, more power to you. If you do, you probably never wear ’em and they might make someone else feel good and look great so donate!
Join Our Tribe
I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts. We share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, this community welcomes you.
Coaching Can Help
If you want to work on your confidence and determine how best to express your personality through your style choices, you might find it helpful to work with a coach. Together, we can help you feel comfortable making choices that work for you. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.
Sigh. I rarely think that I look great–there are just degrees of how bad I think I look!