A good friend recently shared her observation that New York City is a hand holding town. She had walked uptown from midtown to meet me in Central Park one day and was floored by the amount of hand holding she witnessed along the way. We then continued to note the onslaught of hand holding as we walked through the park (not holding hands, alas). Neither of us had ever noticed this before. It was a glass-shattering moment. Once the glass shattered, it was all we could see. Rampant hand holding everywhere.
New York has a reputation for being cold and tough and this was serious evidence to the contrary. Or so I thought. The next day I excitedly shared the observation with one of my daughters who, nonchalantly, explained this had nothing to do with New York City being a hand holding town and everything to do with the fact that cuffing season is upon us. Wait. What?!
The Word of the Day is: Cuff
Cuffing season begins around October and ends just after Valentine’s Day. It represents a timeframe during which single people look for temporary relationships to get them through the darker, colder months, not to mention the barrage of holidays. “Cuff” derives from “handcuffs,” not the most loving interpretation of being romantically connected. Still, at its core, cuffing is about connection. Holding hands is a way of connecting.
Health Benefits of Hand Holding
Hand holding is by no means restricted to romance. It can signify friendship, affection, care or safety. And it does good things to and for us. The skin on our hands is particularly sensitive. Pressure of touch on that skin conducts signals that lower the heart rate and blood pressure. The practice can also start oxytocin production. Oxytocin, the love hormone, is a neurotransmitter that increases feelings of trust, generosity and compassion, and decreases feelings of fear and anxiety. An additional benefit is reduction of the stress hormone, cortisol.
In the scientific study “Lending A Hand,” neuroscientists from the University of Virginia and the University of Wisconsin studied the effect of human touch on people in stressful situations. Participants in the study underwent the threat of electric shock. Some hands were held during the process. Researchers concluded that a “loving touch reassures.” Participants were better able to cope with pain and discomfort when their hands were held. The study found that touch both releases serotonin and reduces pain.
Connection Can Warm You Up When It’s Cold Out
Hand holding is good medicine. At least it is when the hand that takes yours is known to and welcome by you. None of this justifies assault at any level. Not all hands are welcome. But when the person reaching out is known to you, their welcome grasp can strengthen you in so many ways. And you can do that for others. Humans are made for connection. Touch is connection at such a powerful level that it can comfort, reassure and heal you. The days are getting shorter, darker, and colder and the instinct of many people (and bears) is to hibernate. But darkness, cold, and loneliness don’t bring out the best in most of us. Maybe the cuffers are onto something
Some people are germ averse and touching hands is understandably unappealing to them. Others have sweaty palms and prefer not to expose their vulnerability hand-to-hand. Connection through hand holding is not for everyone and that’s okay. There are so many ways you can connect with others and for the sake of your health, it seems fairly important to find the ways that work for you.
Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post
Cuff It by Beyonce, I Want to Hold Your Hand by The Beatles, Hold My Hand by Jess Glynne, Hand to Hold On To by John Mellencamp, Hold My Hand by Lady Gaga, Sweet Caroline by Neil Diamond, Hold My Hand by Hootie & The Blowfish
Thinking and Trying
Something to think about: “You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.” – Indira Gandhi
Something to try: Hold or squeeze the hand of a loved one today if you can. If you can’t, try taking a page out of my daughter’s book with “Hands to the Phones.” Facetime a close friend or family member. Pinch together your thumb, index finger and middle finger. Then bring the tip where your fingers meet to the screen and ask your loved one to do the same. When the tips touch, you can both declare “Hands to the Phones” – as we do – or just laugh out loud because you’re doing something silly and connecting joyfully nonetheless.
Coaching Can Help
If you’re feeling isolated and craving connection, there are steps you can take to broaden your circle and connect meaningfully. A coach can support you as you create a vision for your future self replete with connections, identify the steps that will bring you closer to your vision, and help with accountability as you undertake action. You can sign up for a free 15 minute discovery Zoom with me here and we’ll explore what coaching can do for you.
1) Holding hands is both the simplest and yet one of the most intimate human acts.
2) Cuffing. I had no idea that that was a “thing”. I’m getting old.
3) No “Hold My Hand”, by Hootie & the Blowfish? 😉
Playlist updated!