Among the pearls of wisdom I’ve accumulated over the years is the fact that preparing for disappointment does little if anything to lessen feelings of disappointment, even when the prep work includes developing a game plan. We may try to convince ourselves that stealing ourselves will improve our ability to cope and solve. But that’s generally not the case either. Preemptive worrying is a misery-maker and a time suck. It’s hard to turn it off if that’s your go-to method but think of all that time and energy you get back if you do. Rather than fall down the rabbit hole of worrying about your Future Self, why not consider living your best life in the present so Future You is as strong as possible and able to cope with anything that comes her way?
Preemptive Worrying Differs From Preparation
To be clear, I am not suggesting preparation is a bad thing. There are many things in life we can plan for that provide rather than deplete energy. That planning is frequently associated with outcomes that are certain, things like retirement and death, that bring some degree of peace when they’ve been considered ahead of time. Preparation for the what ifs of life, though, are a different story altogether. Many of the what ifs never materialize and those that do frequently take some unanticipated twists and turns, requiring a new plan anyway. Even if the twists and turns are nonexistent or minimal, chances are good that you have changed in the interim and with every new hour and each new day, you have new resources and information available to you. Preemptive worrying fails to take into account the you that you’ve become while living and worrying.
What If is a Problem for Future Me
If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’ve likely sensed that travel is a critical part of my arsenal of joy. A little over a year ago, I began to travel with organized groups made up of women who are all roughly my vintage, who didn’t know each other prior to embarking on our shared adventure to wherever. These trips take me to places I dreamed of visiting and didn’t feel entirely comfortable navigating alone. The part I didn’t fully grasp was the extent to which I would benefit from being part of a community of like-minded women and how much I would consistently learn from my new friends. On my most recent trip to South Africa, one of said new friends met each “what if” question that arose with “well, that seems like a problem for Future Me.” If that isn’t a wise and wonderful approach, I don’t know what is. Future She enabled Current She to be fully present and maximize the joy of each moment without sweating the small stuff that may or may not ever come to pass. I love it!
The thing I love most about this approach is that it defines Future Self literally rather than aspirationally. Future Me is, quite simply, me in the future. We often think in terms of what we want our Future Selves to look like and be like and paint a picture based on hopes and expectations. The fact is, though, that the time to be your Future Self, that ideal version of you, is right now. Present day choices set us up for the future but the future is not some far off time in the distance. It’s a mere moment away.
Try Not to Set Your Future Self Up For Failure
Living this way is not an excuse to set your Future Self up for failure. Spending money you don’t have and leaving it to Future You to get you out of horrific debt is never a good idea. Making any knowingly bad choices that we know we’ll have to pay for eventually is a choice. Not a great one. Nonetheless, one most of make sometimes. And if we’re still standing, we can acknowledge that Future Us did whatever was necessary to move forward.
Future Me lives in Future Now. She is capable and reasonably wise. Life has taught her to deal with whatever comes her way, even when it feels like she just can’t. Her track record is pretty darn good. She’s benefitted from my mindful awareness and the fact that I try to take her into consideration when I have a decision to make. I feel very comfortable saying “that seems like a problem/question/decision for Future Me.” She can handle it.
Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post
my future by Billie Eilish, Life’s What You Make It by Talk Talk, Future You by Zed, Future Looks Good” by OneRepublic, The Future’s So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades by Timbuk 3, Mr. Blue Sky by Electric Light Orchestra, Better Things by The Kinks, Future Me by Echosmith
Thinking and Trying
Something to think about: “Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.” — Marcus Aurelius
Something to try: Shift perspective, highlight agency, and maybe reduce procrastination by trying the following exercise:
- Set the Time: Decide on a future point 1 year, 5 years, or 10 years from now.
- Visualize: Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and imagine you have already achieved your goals and that things have gone as well as they possibly could.
- Write the Letter: Write a letter from that successful, happy future version of yourself to your current self.
- What are you doing daily?
- How does it feel to have achieved your goals?
- What advice do you have for yourself now?
- What small steps did you take that mattered most?
- Reflect: Read the letter and identify one small action you can take today that aligns with that future.
Join Our Tribe
I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The three of us joined together to bring you the Unpacking Midlife With The Wise Women podcast. You can listen on Spotify or Apple podcasts. We share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journeys through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, this community welcomes you.
Coaching Can Help
If you’re struggling with staying present and mindful, you might consider working with a coach. Together, we can help you create an action plan full of small steps and accountability so you can appreciate the wonderful human you are in the present and set your Future Self up for optimal success. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help you. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.
