Remember to Thank Yourself for Getting to Now

At the 2024 Emmy Awards, Niecy Nash-Betts famously thanked herself in her acceptance speech. She won Best Supporting Actress in a Limited or Anthology Series for her role in “Dahmer – Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story,” proudly declaring, “I want to thank me, for believing in me and doing what they said I could not do.”  I’ve written a lot about befriending yourself, dating yourself, forgiving yourself, and taking care of yourself. I’ve even written about the importance of gratitude. But I’m sensing a personal disconnect here. Do you ever remember to thank yourself? I’m not sure I do.

Gratitude is Good

Being thankful reduces depression and anxiety, supports heart health, relieves stress, and improves sleep. Gratitude is frequently considered an essential component of a healthy and satisfying life. Yet, to the extent we consider it a practice, many of us focus exclusively on the external – the people, signs, and circumstances for which we are grateful. I don’t think we exclude ourselves because we’re feeling unworthy as much as we just don’t consider ourselves in the gratitude equation at all. Maybe it’s time to change that.

Giving friends, circumstances, family, a higher power, or even luck credit for the good things in our lives is great. No one can go it or do it alone and it’s healthy to know that. But if it’s up to each of us to make the most of the hand we’ve been dealt in life, it stands to reason that we’ve played a part, likely a significant one, in anything and everything we’ve accomplished. If that’s the case, why be so quick to thank everyone other than ourselves? Why do we so often insist on excluding ourselves from the gratitude heap? Some of us will go so far as to minimize our role even when we’re thanked by others.

Humility Misunderstood

I wonder if part of the issue is misdirected humility. Humility involves recognizing our limitations and valuing others’ perspectives and contributions. It enables the fostering of personal growth and connection. Humility is a character strength and a core value. But humility and self appreciation are not mutually exclusive. We should be able to recognize our abilities and strengths in addition to our limitations. Appreciating yourself and your role in all that you’ve accomplished does not mean you have a swelled head or you’re full of yourself. You can still embody and value humility. Taking credit for the role you play in your own life, though, for not giving up on yourself and for getting this far, is a fair, honest, admirable, and important thing to do. Self awareness that lacks self appreciation is, at worst, tragic and, at best, severely incomplete.

What Have You Done For You Lately?

Thanking yourself takes self appreciation up a level. It implies an affirmative acknowledgement and statement of gratitude that you’ve given what you have. When you thank yourself, you’re indicating you understand your worth and feel proud. Feeling pride in yourself can be a powerful thing. It can take you further toward your goals and in life than external validation.

While you’re at it, you might want to consider thanking both your former self and your current self. Your former self got you to the here and now and your current self keeps you going.

Starter Kits

If you’re not sure what you’ve done to merit your gratitude, consider some of the following affirmations to get you started:

1. I am grateful for the way I have supported myself.
2. I am grateful for my good qualities.
3. I am grateful that I can rely on myself.
4. I am grateful for how I have grown through the years.
5. I am grateful for all the little achievements I make every day.
6. I am grateful for the positive impact I make on the world.
7. I am grateful to be me.
8. I am grateful for my kind heart.
9. I am grateful for my body and all that it lets me do.
10. I am grateful for my health.
11. I am grateful for my life.

And if you need a starter kit on turning those affirmations in statements of thanks, consider these:

• Thank you for growing a little every day.
• Thank you for forgiving yourself when you stumbled.
• Thank you for loving fully and vulnerably.
• Thank you for trying new things, even when you felt scared.
• Thank you for cutting yourself some slack when you did nothing because you were scared.
• Thank you for using the wisdom you gained, instead of just acquiring knowledge.
• Thank you for taking care of yourself, physically, mentally, and emotionally, more often than not.
• Thank you for not giving up.

You’ve Gotten to Now

It’s easy to be self critical. Nobody is perfect so, by definition, we have flaws. If you’re looking for a flaw, you will always find one. But imagine how you might feel if every time you started to obsess over a flaw, you were able to reframe it or at least counteract it with a strength. Taking it a step further, how do you think you might feel if you directly connected the reframe or strength to something you’ve achieved, for which you are proud and grateful? Don’t take yourself for granted. Getting to now hasn’t been easy. Thank yourself for the fact that, so far, you’ve gotten through everything life has thrown at you.

Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post

I Wanna Thank Me by Meghan Trainor, Extraordinary Machine by Fiona Apple, My Own Hero by Andy Grammer, Grateful by Rita Ora, Queen by Jessie J, You Should See Me in a Crown by Billie Eilish, THANKFUL by DJ Khaled, ft. Lil Wayne, Jeremih, 7 Rings, Grateful by Rita Ora, Proud by Heather Small

Thinking and Trying

Something to think about:

If you thank your mind, it will relax.

If you thank your heart it will open.

If you thank your past, it will integrate.

If you thank your symptoms, they will heal.

If you thank your shadow, it will vanish.

If you thank your life, it will transform.

If you thank yourself, the light will dawn.

– Anonymous but credit to Deborah Hawkins for sharing

Something to try: Identify 3 things you can appreciate about yourself and then write yourself a thank you letter.

Join Our Tribe

I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria, Marguerite, and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The four of us have joined together to bring you Four Wise Women, a podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. We use this space to share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journey through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or simply the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, we hope you’ll tune in to be part of this community of wise women. We add new episodes on Thursdays.

Coaching Can Help

Do you want to develop an attitude of gratitude in the fullest sense but don’t know where to begin? Do you want to be able to say you appreciate yourself but feel like you don’t? The support and accountability coaching provides might help. Contact me here and let’s talk about how coaching can help you practice gratitude fully. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.