The wellness world encourages us to feel our feelings. In other words, we’re encouraged to acknowledge, accept, and process emotions rather than suppress them. That’s all well and good if, in fact, we know what it is we’re feeling. When you’re feeling down, it’s not always as easy as it sounds to name or identify how you feel. Sometimes you just feel bad and, when asked what’s wrong, you can’t come up with much more than “everything.” The more specifically you recognize what you’re feeling and why, the more likely you are able to determine what you need to feel better. Sometimes all you can do is acknowledge the emotion, accept it and let it pass. But sometimes you can do more. By taking a beat, a breath or a pause, you give yourself a chance to think, to collect yourself, and to consider where you’re at and what you need at any given moment. Once you master the pause, you go through life a little less stressed, feeling a lot more capable. When you’re feeling off, the pause gives you the space you need to use the HALT strategy, an easy self-care practice that’s remarkably useful.
HALT! Who Goes There?
HALT is an acronym standing for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired, all things that make us feel bad. The HALT strategy, a tool used in addiction recovery, can be useful for anyone. It helps you become more aware of your physical and emotional states, identify potential triggers for emotions and maladaptive behaviors, and make choices to address those triggers before they lead to problems. It may sound silly but we don’t even always realize that we’re as tired as we are and that it’s a potentially dangerous situation that’s treatable. I’ve seen posts on social media suggesting you should eat if you feel like you hate everyone and you should sleep if you think everyone hates you. It’s simple and pretty sound advice. When untreated, sleep deprivation and hunger can significantly and detrimentally affect our health and safety, our interactions, and our relationships.
HALTing is a way of checking in with yourself and enabling you to cope better than you might otherwise. The alternative for many of us looks like impulsive decisions that ultimately don’t serve us or worsen the situation.
Hunger
When Hunger is at play, you may be dealing with a lot more than the embarrassment of a growling stomach. Your mood, energy, and clarity can all be affected. Healthy nourishment equates with groundedness. The importance of fueling your body and mind can never be overstated. Adequate protein and fiber intake, access to healthy snacks, and the development of a hydration habit (in other words, drink a lot of water!) can go a long way. If you’re already in the throes of hunger, remember the infamous Snickers ad campaign from 2010, “You’re Not You When You’re Hungry” and, if you can’t or won’t grab a Snickers, don’t overthink it, just eat something!
Anger
When Anger underlies your imbalance, any urge to avoid expressing it in a healthy and productive way compromises your health. We often give into the urge to suppress anger in an effort to avoid making those around us uncomfortable. The problem with that seemingly selfless choice is that suppression doesn’t erase emotion. The ball of suppressed discomfort grows and festers within us if it isn’t processed. Anger is a valid emotion. It’s not a negative. It’s a message that’s best not ignored. Sometimes you need to remove yourself from a situation and sometimes you need to confront it. Either way, your system won’t balance fully if you don’t recognize, acknowledge, and allow yourself to feel uncomfortable with it so you can ultimately put it in its place. The alternative, when you allow it to emerge as the main character rather than the sidekick, is that anger will put YOU in your place and you may not recognize or like that place at all. Meditating, exercising, journaling, communicating, and connecting are all good ways of letting anger run its natural course so you can emerge as friends on the other side.
Lonely
Lonely can be the result of isolating yourself or feeling the absence of a community. People need people or, at the very least, one person. Sometimes it’s possible to address loneliness by reaching out to a friend or joining a group or volunteering. In reality, loneliness can be a tough one to solve on your own. If loneliness is either a constant or a frequent companion of yours and you don’t seem to be able to come out of it on your own, please consider therapy to look at and address the underlying causes.
Tired
Tired is one of those states of being that seems so natural we’ll often leave it unchallenged. But sleep deprivation weakens your emotional resilience and cognitive function. It can make you a danger both to yourself and to others. We ignore it at our peril. At a certain age, sleep becomes more challenging for a lot of us. Rather than simply accepting your new state of sleeplessness, consider setting a consistent sleep routine (beginning earlier than you imagine is acceptable), reducing screen time before bed, and making your bedroom cold and dark. Some people find drinking calming tea an hour before bed to be helpful, and others swear by meditation or magnesium. And never underestimate the effectiveness of a power nap, not to mention the state of bliss it can conjure. The goal is to feel better rested, not to become a super sleeper.
Take the Pause
The July 24, 2025 episode of the Four Wise Women podcast was called The Power of the Pause. My co-hosts and I discussed the power of taking a pause before speaking or reacting and, sometimes, taking a pause in life. We discussed the STOP skill from dialectical behavior therapy, a distress tolerance skill involving 4 steps: Stop (freeze and don’t react), Take a step back (remove yourself and take a deep breath), Observe (notice your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings without judgment), and Proceed mindfully (make a thoughtful decision with your Wise Mind to act in line with your goals). Learning to tolerate your distress by understanding your triggers and feeling equipped to take them on is a gift we all owe ourselves and something we can’t do without first taking a personal, mental pause. It’s more than okay to slow down and check in with yourself. If it turns out you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, there are things you can do to avoid spiraling out of control. That’s ultimately better for everyone, isn’t it?
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Musical Playlist While You Ponder This Post
Hunger by Florence and the Machine, Hungry Heart by Bruce Springsteen, Hungry Like a Wolf by Duran Duran, Hungry for Your Love by Van Morrison, Angry Eyes by Loggins & Messina, Angry by The Rolling Stones, Lonely by Justin Bieber (with Benny Blanco), Lonely People by America, Lonely by Imagine Dragons, I’m So Tired by The Beatles, Tired Eyes by Neil Young, Tired by Adele, Everybody Knows by Leonard Cohen
Thinking and Trying
Something to think about: “In bullfighting there is an interesting parallel to the pause as a place of refuge and renewal. It is believed that in the midst of a fight, a bull can find his own particular area of safety in the arena. There he can reclaim his strength and power. This place and inner state are called his querencia. As long as the bull remains enraged and reactive, the matador is in charge. Yet when he finds his querencia, he gathers his strength and loses his fear. From the matador’s perspective, at this point the bull is truly dangerous, for he has tapped into his power.”― Tara Brach, Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha
Something to try: Watch the best “Snickers You’re Not You When You’re Hungry” commercials. The narrator voice is a little annoying but the commercials are fantastic and, quite possibly, enough to turn your bad mood around without even eating a Snickers and Listen to the Four Wise Women podcast episode on taking a pause. (also available on Apple podcasts).
Join Our Tribe
I always feel smarter and stronger when I listen to and connect with wise people. My friends and fellow coaches Maria, Marguerite, and Lorin are among the wisest people I know. The four of us have joined together to bring you Four Wise Women, a podcast on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. We use this space to share our thoughts, concerns, and joys relating to our journey through midlife. Whether you’re seeking guidance, validation, or simply the comfort of knowing you’re not alone, tune in to be part of this community of wise women.
Coaching Can Help
Reminding yourself to pause is one of the best things you can do for yourself and can be a difficult habit to create. The first step of the HALT strategy is pausing and noticing what you’re feeling. If you’re finding it hard to incorporate these tools into your everyday life, you might benefit from working with a coach. Contact me here to talk about how coaching can help you develop healthy habits that keep you feeling your best. The first session is 15 minutes over Zoom and it’s free.
I am the unfortunate king of getting “hangry”. It’s one of my many personality that I don’t like!